Thursday, August 23, 2007

Don't ask me, I'll ask myself

There are times in life when you get asked the same questions over and over again. The questioners are usually well-meaning, but by sheer force of repetition, their questions can become mildly annoying. Here are the questions most commonly asked of people at different ages, along with typical answers:

To a little kid:
Q- How old are you?
A- Free and a haf

To a medium kid:
Q- What grade are you in?
A- Fourth, again.

To a teenager:
Q- What are your college plans?
A- Dude, I’m in the 7th grade, I don’t freakin’ know.

To a college student:
Q- What’s your major?
A- Uh, I'm still undecided.

To a graduate student:
Q- What are you studying?
A- You wouldn’t understand it- I don’t.

To an adult:
Q- How’s work?
A- I’ve been overwhelmingly busy and my coworker Mr. ______ is a dimwit.

To a parent:
Q- How are the kids?
A- They're all successful, attractive, well-behaved, athletic artist geniuses... on the inside.

To a retiree:
Q- How was your cruise?
A- Good, except for the Ebola.

To an old person:
Q- How’s your health?
A- Just kill me now.

Seriously, though, there are some questions that I am asked ALL all the time. I’ll try to answer some of them for real in this blog.

Career / Life questions

Q- What are you studying at VIMS?
A- I study eelgrass, which is a plant that lives under the ocean. Eelgrass needs unpolluted water to live, and it also depends on animals like shrimp and snails to keep its blades clean. I’m trying to learn more about animal interactions with seagrass so we can use that knowledge to help save it. There are lots of good reasons to save the eelgrass, like the fact that it helps clean the water, provides good habitat for fish, and protects shorelines from erosion.

Q- When do you graduate?
A- I hope to become Dr. James in May 2008.

Q- Then what are you going to do?
A- I’m not sure, but I’m applying for “post-docs”, which are low-level research positions at universities or other scientific institutions. After that I’ll try to climb the career ladder and get an interesting academic or government job related to marine biology and ecology.

Q- What’s it like living in Gloucester Point?
A- There aren't a lot of distractions.

Q- Where do you eventually want to live?
A- The West Coast would be nice, but the East Coast South of DC is ok.

Windsurfing Questions

Q- Have you been windsurfing lately?
A- Yeah.

Q- How fast can you go on that thing?
A- My fastest recorded speed was 31 mph. The world record is 54 mph.

Q- Can you do a flip?
A- No, just regular jumps. I’m still trying to get up the nerve to try a flip.

Q- Have you ever tried kiteboarding?
A- No, I have not. But it looks like like lots of fun.

Random Date Questions

Q- What kind of music do you like?
A- Mainly rock, reggae, and techno. I have some latent bohemian tendencies, but lack the motivation and cash to be a real hipster music connoisseur. My most recent album purchase was The Shins’ “Wincing the Night Away”.

Q- What do you look for in a woman?
A- I’m not going to go there.

If you have any questions I neglected to ask myself here, you can ask me in the comments section.

1 comment:

Johnny said...

You're my son but I can't ask you questions any more because you've already answered them all. You'll have to ask me questions. Actually I feel like I get the same sort of annoying questions from everybody over and over again too.

Q. Why do you want to retire?
A. Well duh?! So I won't have to work.

Q. What are you going to do all the time when you retire?
A. I don’t know but it's the least of my worries. I'm sure my days will be filled.

Q. Are you going to live in your house in North Carolina?
A. South Carolina

Q. What are you going to do for medical insurance when you retire?
A. I don't know. Shut up. I don't want to think about it.

Q. How's your mother doing?
A. Poorly of course. What'd you expect? She's 89 years old.

Q. Have you seen any good movies lately?
A. Yeah but I don't remember the name of it. It was starring Thingamajig and Whatchamacallit. Pretty good but too much violence and vulgar language and not enough nudity.

Q. How are Anna and Joonas?
A. Fine, I s'pect.

Q. What about James? Does he have a girlfriend?
A. I don't know; I haven't talked to him in two days. I'll ask him when he comes ashore.

Q. What exactly is it you do in your job now?
A. You wouldn't understand it – I don’t.

Q. What exactly is Anna studying in grad school?
A. You wouldn't understand it – I don't.