Statistics Hell

Happy Holidays from Statistics Hell. I've been here for about a week now, being passed around from one demon to another. My first tormenter was the late Carlo Emilio Bonferroni (pictured).

He laughed hysterically as I struggled to perform numerous, detailed, statistical tests, knowing that the more tests I did, the more his devious "Bonferroni adjustment" would steal from their precious significance.

Next to savage my soul was Sas, the statistical software monster. She lured me in with promises of her power, but after extracting from me a great penance, she spurned my questions and threw me into the fires of frustration.

I slapped and rolled, but the flames engulfing my body only burned higher. "All is lost!" I screamed in desparate agony. But then I felt a soothing hand touch my shoulder and the flames flickered out. I turned around and looked into the eyes of a bearded, benevolent savior. It was George Gilchrist from the William and Mary Biology Department. "Your advisor told me you were hurting. I'm here to help you. Send me your data and I'll solve EVERYTHING." Overcome with relief, I put all my faith in Gilchrist.

I waited in Statistics Purgatory until word came from Gilchrist, "I've done it. I've found the solution..." I felt myself rising towards a beautiful light, and heard the beginnings of harp music. Then Gilchrist's visage darkened as he added, "But to solve your problem you must use R!" With that he cast the great, leaden R around my neck and sent me tumbling once more into the depths. "MWAH HA HA" cackled my false savior as I fell, "It will take you all of eternity to learn R, for it is Satan's own statistics software!"

So here I am and here I'll stay, in Statistics Hell, forever.

75 Degrees of Freedom

It seems like every year around Christmas or New Years, Virginia gets some FREAK warm weather. Case in point: today it was 75 degrees and windy.

Paul Richardson, Sam Lake, and I knew it was coming yesterday and made plans to "adjust" our work schedules. We met at Carmine Island at 9 am this morning to catch the WSW breeze. It was gusty as usual, but held around 15 knots for an hour or so. Paul rode my Kona with a 5.8 m sail and got some fast runs and good learning experiences. I used a 6.6 m sail on a 92 liter Mistral Edge (pictures), then switched boards to a 114 liter Fanatic Skate when the wind lightened up. Sam flew a 12 m kite and got some big jumps.

We all got our daily requirements of vitamin D and adrenaline. Then the wind died around 11 am so we packed up and went back to work. :)

Blasphemous Bears

America was appalled when Sudanese extremists called for the death of a teacher who had allowed a teddy bear to be named “Mohammed”. We rightly noted that their murderous intentions were a horrific overreaction to what was, at most, a trivial gaffe.

If there was a general lesson to be learned from that ridiculous episode it was, “You shouldn’t freak out over any little thing that you can construe as an insult to your religion.” But obviously many Americans missed that broader lesson, because now WE are freaking out over silly bears; the ones in the new fantasy movie, “The Golden Compass”.



It’s not the bears, per se, that have people boycotting the film. It’s the fact that the movie is based on a book by an atheist author, and the plot pits the good guys against a big, bad religion.

Ok. First of all, who cares if the author is an atheist? Watching something written by an atheist won’t make you an atheist if you don't want to be an atheist. Second of all, the movie doesn’t imply that religion itself is bad, just that oppressive, corrupt, state-sponsored religion is bad. Do the people who are making a big show of being offended by the film actually think that oppressive, corrupt, state-sponsored religion is GOOD? I doubt it. So if you ask me, they should lay off the movie, and get to work making sure their own religions don’t become oppressive, corrupt, and state-sponsored.

Grrr…

Misunderstood Mr. W.

Clever, eh?

Admirals Whip the Baby Penguins

I went to an ice hockey game last night for the first time. The minor league Norfolk Admirals beat the Scranton Penguins (aka the Baby Penguins) at the Scope Arena. It was COOL!

I have to say I never really "got" hockey before. I mean, I couldn't understand how such a weird, specialized, arena-dependent sport that so few people ever actually play (especially in the South) could be so popular professionally.

But now I get it. You don't have to have ever played ice hockey to appreciate the awesome SPECTACLE of it. The speed, the grace, the nonstop action and outbursts of violence (see video). It's like nascar, boxing and ballet all rolled into one. Plus they pump awesome rock music through the arena whenever there's a down moment, and the crowds are really rowdy and energetic.



This particular game was good, too. The Admirals and the Penguins pushed and pulled and really tested both their defense and offenses. Their scores stayed within one point until the last few seconds of the game. The Admirals were up 4-3 but the Penguins were charging hard in an all-out effort to score a goal and force a shoot-out finish. Their goalie joined the crowd down at the offensive end with just a second or so to go, but then Norfolk got the puck and shot a wild one at the empty goal from way down at the opposite end of the ice. It went in! With just one one-hundredth of a second on the clock Norfolk had iced their victory cake and really humilated the Penguins. Heh heh.

Global Warming: Dubya's View

Global warming is no joke, but Will Ferrell's Dubya impression is hillarious.

Downwinder

Yesterday was the first "downwinder" that I ever did on purpose. Sam Lake and I started out at Carmine Island, a secret, semi-private beach access about 3 miles up the York River from VIMS and the Coleman Bridge.

The wind seemed really strong so I rigged a 5.2 m sail and put it on my 77 liter board. But it started to lighten up a bit by the time I got out, and I was struggling to stay planing. So I went back to shore and put a 6.9 on my 114 liter board, thinking "better to overdo it than underdo it". Going big did the trick, so Sam and I left Carmine Island and started our journey. He got some big jumps in the smooth, shallow water on the North side of the river. I couldn't go all the way over there because my fin would touch the bottom so I stayed more out toward the channel. The wind continued to drop from the time we launched, going from an average of about 18 knots to 12 knots or less. I started planing only intermittently, and Sam pulled way ahead. But then when the wind got REALLY light and gusty, his kite dropped out of the sky, and I shlogged past him while he was walking the last couple hundred meters to VIMS beach. Windsurfing wins again! :)